


your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

by allornothing



Series: does your mother tell you things long, long when i'm gone? [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:21:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allornothing/pseuds/allornothing
Summary: She never asked questions about him. Maybe because she was too young when he left them. Or maybe it was because she could see how her mother became choked up any time his name was mentioned in a conversation. Or she remembered seeing her mother curled up on the floor of the apartment the night she got the news that he wouldn’t come home, ever.





	your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

There were days she missed skating more than others. Days where she’d sit at the kitchen table, she’d open this box full of souvenirs, pictures, memorabilia that she’s accumulated over the years and spend hours skimming through all of it, getting caught up in memories so much that she’d forget that time was moving and she’d wasted a day before she ever knew it. For every picture, she could recall the event as if it happened the day before. Well, some were a little blurred; mostly the ones that happened when she was still a child, not even ten, but she could recall the day they were taken, the mood she was in, the event. Her finger slowly traced the face on the picture, a face she hadn’t seen in so long. Two years actually, even though it seemed to be a lifetime. Choking back tears, she put the picture back where it belonged, in that souvenir box, and closed the lid. One day, she would be able to look at all of them and not become a mess halfway through. At least she hoped. 

“Ma!” The apartment door slammed open, causing Tessa to jump out of her seat. She stood up as Livia, a seven years old brunette and her biggest pride, ran towards her, hugging her legs. “Hey kiddo!” The kid looked up at her and for a second, all she could see was his face. Those big brown eyes that reminded her so much of him. She felt as if her child was staring right into her soul and in a matter of seconds, she felt a lump form in her throat, making it hard to swallow and refrain the tears from rolling down her cheeks. How she missed him. “How was school?” She asked as her daughter unwrapped her arms from around her legs and let down her school bag by the table. “It was so cool.” She started, excitement perceptible through her voice. As the little girl told her all about her day, how they talked about dinosaurs, making sure to let her know that even though they were all really cool, she had a preference in (sort of dinosaur) or that they played this really awesome game in gym class. If she physically looked like a carbon copy of her father, Tessa and her were closer when it came to academics. She was passionate about so many things, curious and willing to dab into everything that was presented to her, no matter the challenge it represented. She might’ve only been seven, yet Tessa could see that every day, she became a little bit more the perfect mixture of Scott and her. In the middle of an explication about the eating habits a certain group of dinosaurs were following, Olivia stopped herself, leaving Tessa hanging onto her lips. 

“What’s that box?” She asked, jumping off the couch to go grab said box. She’d never seen it before and was definitely intrigued. 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Tessa said, even though she knew her daughter would never let her get away with that answer. “Just a box full of souvenirs. Old things.” _Pictures of your father and I._ She never asked questions about him. Maybe because she was too young when he left them. Or maybe it was because she could see how her mother became choked up any time his name was mentioned in a conversation. Or she remembered seeing her mother curled up on the floor of the apartment the night she got the news that he wouldn’t come home, ever. Olivia might’ve been young but she was in no way stupid. If anything, she was the brightest child Tessa had ever met, a claim she could make even without the bias that she was talking about her own daughter. She quickly caught up on things, understood things that Tessa didn’t expect her to understand or even be interested in at her age. 

The little girl sat on the very same chair she sat in just a few minutes before and carefully opened the box. Making her way to the table, she felt her heart sink and tears threatened to fall again. She’d always been so strong; she couldn’t break down in front of her, could she? Would she understand? “Is it dad?” She asked, holding a picture of her parents as teenagers, both in costume, taken before a regional competition. With a little laugh passing through her lips, she nodded. God, she was glad fashion evolved over the years because those years definitely weren’t her best. “How was he?” The question caught her by surprise. It was true, she was still a kid and it’s already been two years since he left, but Tessa thought she’d have some memories of him to carry with her, some things to remember him by. 

“You don’t remember him?” She asked, a hint of surprise and curiosity peeking through her voice. 

“I do. A little.” Just bits and pieces, nothing to really brush up a portrait of him. Liv mostly remembered moments they’ve had as a family. Long drives from Montreal to London where they’d go visit their families; him singing at the top of his lungs – more often than not, not in tune – which never failed to make Tessa laugh. He was funny, that was probably the first thing she’d say to anyone who would ask how was her dad. Not a day was spent without her having a fit of laughter, that she knew, because of something ridiculous he did, whether it was pretending to be worst than her at skating by faking not being able to stand still on his skates, or play with his food, which Tessa always scolded him for, and pretending to be a vampire using two baby carrots as fangs or whatever other character he could think of. “I just want to know more about him.” She said, looking back at the pictures in the box, picking one that probably dated from when she was eleven or twelve, judging by the clothes they were wearing and how young they looked. “Growing up and stuff.” Tessa pulled a chair to sit next to her daughter and together, they went through that box, skimming through the pictures, Tessa telling stories from her childhood that were somehow still so clear, as if they had just happened the day before. “All this time, you only skated with him?” She ended up asking after the fourteenth picture she’d pull up from yet again a different year than the previous ones. Only then had Liv realized how much Scott truly meant to Tessa. She never grasped the scope of how long they’d known each other, of how their lives had always revolved around one another since they were children. 

Tessa nodded in answer. “Yes, it’s always been only him.” She replied, a little smile on her face as she nodded. In her professional life as well as her personal. It took her awhile to realize the latter, almost twenty years, dating other guys but never feeling quite as she did when she was around Scott. Or maybe she’d try to deny what was oh so obvious, fearing that admitting she felt something more for him would ruin their partnership, their relationship. Because what they had was so special, more than anyone could ever imagine. She’d said that a million times during interviews, and even now, she’d say it without hesitation, knowing full well that she would never find what Scott and her had with anyone, no matter how hard she’d try. No one would ever know her as well as he did. Some would probably say that if she’d let another man stick around for twenty years, he’d probably get to know her as well but she knew that it wasn’t true. Scott and her had been almost joined at the hip, living every crucial phase and moment of their lives with each other, from the first kiss, first heartbreak, navigating their teenage years together, trying to make sense of the hormonal messes that they both became; nothing would ever compare to that. Lost in her thoughts, her thumb caressing the picture gently, Tessa almost forgot where she was, whom she was with, and only her rumbling stomach brought her back to reality. “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.” She said, looking at her little girl who was not so little anymore. 

“I’m starving.” She said in a dramatic tone, placing a hand over her stomach to accentuate the weight of her words. 

“Alright, starving child,” Tessa said rolling her eyes and laughing a little “get the table ready while I make us some spaghetti.” And just like that, she was back to her daily routine, cooking dinner before helping her daughter with her homework. One they were mostly done, they watched TV until it was time for Liv to go to bed. 

“Thank you.” The girl whispered as Tessa tucked her in bed. She gave her a questioning look, wondering what she was thanking her for. “Talking about him. Dad. I know it’s not easy for you.” Tessa couldn’t help but smile. It warmed her heart to hear her say such things, having that much empathy at such a young age. She often doubted herself and but in those moments, she couldn’t help but think that maybe she was doing a good job at raising her.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I have a better idea of what I'm doing with this storyline and it's just gonna bit glimpses and snapshots into what the life of Tessa and her daughter would look like. I don't know how many I will write and they will most likely not be posted in order. I'll jump from events to events and go with whatever inspires me at the moment. (And to those who were wondering, it won't just be sad stories, it'll be happier as the time goes, I promise.)
> 
> I also want to thank you guys for the feedback on the first part of this story. I really appreciate the comments and kudos so keep leaving them!
> 
> The title is from My Immortal by Evanescence.


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